Sunday, May 13, 2018

Lightning in a Bottle - I'm enough, I'm worthy of love #chooselove

#chooselove

A lot of unhealed trauma in me.

A whole series of mistakes, one leading to another, with a lot of "sick incentives" - and not enough wisdom to be proactive and fix the problem when it was still small.

I wasn't honest back in a day, now I'm learning the lessons that radical transparency is also not a way - especially when dealing with government officials who are underpaid and... I really wish I could tell you what I really think.

(kids want to be teachers, doctors, pilots, astronauts - noone wants to be a government official dealing with other people drama)

I knew that old institutions would struggle with managing paperwork so I thought - let's put everything on the blockchain. Only later I've learnt it is not allowed, so now I'm talking only about general stuff such as emotional state, not publishing paperwork itself.

You can see some remainders here - open-source divorce - latest post about getting haircut for the Queen. It's a humiliating experience - not being to tell what I really think, not being able to tell that I cannot tell, not... It's a total mess clusterfuck and now I'm experiencing - how deep the rabbit hole goes, when will be the end of the suffering?

There is an amazing festival starting in a few days: http://lightninginabottle.org



See a post from early this year: It's a little bit too much - can I simply spend some time on a beach?

Two other posts around the same theme: Miami Ultra and coming back to the UK.

True motivation - one person I had a chance to connect a few months ago. At the same time I know - I'm not ready, quite the opposite my life is a total mess right now and chances are I'm better off staying in the UK and doing some spiritual work at the monastery: https://www.amaravati.org

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